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Saturday, December 1, 2012

clownfucker - why can't i find a link? also, drinking


I've been drinking!


Time to review some shit that's been sitting around on my read-but-not-reviewed pile for some time. Part of this is that I feel like, sober, I need to run this huge apology for reading monster porn and reviewing it on the internets. I am friends with my mother, my father, some of their colleagues, my sister, my husband, some of my neighbors, their relations, people I went to high school with, ex-boyfriends, college friends, internet friends, et freaking cetera. Hi guys! I totes read a book called clownfucker

You're welcome. 

Also, hey, I've been drinking! 

If I had the energy to do a google image search, for sure I would have a funny picture here. For sure googling "clown" and "fucker" is a bad idea, and even in my current state, I know that. You're welcome again.

I blame karen. She started down the path of monster porn - what is going on with people writing about fucking monsters? - and I loves her reviews of such a creature so much I got pulled into the wake. If you are looking for hot sex scenes with monsters - you don't have to admit it, because you're not drinking and befriended to, like, everyone in your life, so that tomorrow when you wake up and think, fuck, what have I done? you don't care - you are not going to find hot sex scenes with monsters here. I have been a part of a romance reading group for a coupla years now, and I have never once seen the words "labia majora" used unironically until now. I haven't even seen them used ironically. I'm not sure there is enough irony in the world to make term "labia majora" ironic. It's like fucking a text book. 

However, clownfucker - which used to be available on Smashwords, but now I can't find a link -  is seriously fucking awesome. Or awesome while fucking? A woman - maybe; it's been a while - works for one of those evil multinational corporations, and learns that they are working on a "productivity dildo": a thing that you shove up your ass which will secrete hormones and drugs and stuff to make you more productive for the company. Of course, this is notmandated, but you can see how in not very long, the productivity dildo will be a de facto requirement of employment. And then a couple of girls double-team a clown!1!!



Anyway, I want to give the whole concept of the productivity dildo - something my brain wants to call the prosperity dildo in a seriously extra-perverse way - one million stars. I want to give the term "labia majora" negative stars, so I'm left somewhere in the middle. Not that I'm starring anything tonight, in my current state. 


We'll see how many of you irl folk I unfriend before the email goes out tomorrow. 


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